Well, sports fans, it has been SOME of those weeks, let Joe tell something to you. This entry will have a whole mess o' little tests in it, and you can bet your Golden Banana on that. But let me tell you why. . .(for the record, just in case your Twonky isn't fully operational, there have been Six, so far. . .let's go over them. . .The first, Shakespeare, duh. Second, the Mirkin. Third, the Ramon Reference. Fourth, the Banana. Fifth, let me tell you why. And sixth, the Twonky.) Now, had Joe Vastened you fully on the Twonky reference, it would have been a twofer, and, of course, if Joe had said "some of these DAYS," instead of some of those weeks, that would have made the total EIGHT.
Why all the tests? Well, apparently, things are not advancing well enough with Junior Partner. Oh, trust Joe, in the illicit and sleazy department, things are going EXACTLY as well as they should be (and, for the record, let us just say that a Certain Restaurant and Lounge Combo and That Towers Over La Ciudad Sinho has taken more of Joebo's money than anybody else for FAR too long, and Joe will be fixing THAT crap up in a VERY short time!).
So, Jinkies!, it looks like it's time to find a fill-in (actually SEVERAL fill-ins. . .Junior Partner is NO punk when it comes to, uh, 'generating work' if you catch Joe's meaning), thus the test.
Given Joe's winning smile, strikingly cute face, rock-hard butt, and shy, almost. . .retiring personality, SOMETHING had to be done to, you know, have SOME kind of qualifying SOMETHING. . .there just aren't enough hours in the day otherwise. . .and Joe has to get a little work out SOMETIMES.
Speaking of which, what is going ON with you people? Especially you Associates? Especially you SENIOR Associates? Especially you Senior Associates who want to make Partner, and CLEARLY are not reading the Joester well enough (or, can Joe say this. . .frequently enough. By the way, Joe DOES take requests. . . .TIME FOR AN ASIDE. . .WALK WITH ME. . .)
ASIDE: In response to the, actually, surprisingly numerous inquiries, Joe wants to tell you that he would VERY MUCH like to blog more often, but doesn't usually have a lot to say, until something gets under his recruiting skin. Plus, even though it doesn't look like it, Joe actually has to work. . .like a DAWG, to afford the lifestyle to which he has SO become accustomed, but even more so. . .but don't tell anyone for pete's sake. Anyway, you can talk to Joe about anything, you know that, right? It's between just us monkeys. Joe's just saying. But, yeah, talk to Joe about stuff you want to know more about. What we really think. Junk like that there. If you ever tell anyone you caught Joe in a gentle moment, Joe WILL find you. I'm just saying. ASIDE ENDS HERE.
So, about these Associates. And the "NEW" news about Associate pay going sky-high. Of course, there's always a trade-off. Yeah, there is. Look, don't go crazy over the money at the BigLaws going up and down, and what the offset is. It's a game Associates, Firms, the LawPress, and the rest of us have been playing with one another for years.
Clients play it too: "Oh ma gawd, Board, them Loyers are stickin' it to us agin; whut we gon' dew Paw!?
Board: Tragedy, thy name is Lawyer! Ay, Crew-el world. Visit not 'pon this poor company again thy vicious treacheries! Ah, Fie! Blah, Blah. . .we have no choice, nay none at all, but to tell all the investors that we took a bath because of unusual and unexpected increases in operating expenses, but if you piss us off again, we won't protect you, we'll burn you like a witch at the stake in Old Salem, you got me!?
Client: Yuppers, I shore do! In the meantime, could we discuss my comp?
Board: Go thou, fiend. And, no frickin' way. You're lucky we even HAVE external counsel, ya putz!
And so it goes.
Meanwhile, recruiters call you dorks up, and you act like you're each, and individually, the only people on the planet who ever read Prosser's 2nd. . .but you're not smart enough to pretend you even LIKED it (some of us DID, by the way. . .ruh roh!). And we say "hey. . . you. . . (hint. . .7th clue). . .wanna work for a really dynamic law firm?" and we don't even bug you or ANYTHING, and you're all SNOTTY about it.
And when we ask for ACTUAL details, you get all defensive. Well guess what, Scooter? We do as much PRE-search as we can, but, not actually BEING psychic Joeself (many recruiters, it turns out, are also, NOT psychic), I NEED to know if my guess is as good as it is, or if you're only a REALLY GOOD lawyer, and not So Good Joe's Mother Would Throw Joe Under The Bus To Adopt You GOOD Lawyer.
Because here's the thing, Oh Great among the Greatest. Joe may be a punk, but he's as arrogant as YOU are, and he has YEARS on you, building a reputation for finding the BEST lawyers, not just the SECOND best, or the ALMOST best, or the. . . you get the idea.
But here's the OTHER thing. EVERY recruiter in the world wants the best candidate they can find. Just like every Lawyer wants the best client they can find. Yeah, there ARE some Lawyers that like to bottom feed, but that's not YOU, right? Well, it isn't Joe, either. And it isn't MOST other recruiters in the world. And it isn't virtually ANY Law Firm. EVERYBODY wants the best they can find.
Now it's also true that water finds its own level, and there is a limit as to how GOOD people are willing to pay for. . .there's a reason why some people buy cars with, say, "Cord" on the Marque, and some pay more for, ummmmm. . . .oh. . ."Jenz", let's say. There's also a reason why Joe drinks certain types of effervescent beverages as opposed to others, and Joe thinks we're all on the same page here.
Having said ALL of the above. . .if Joe has learned ANYTHING, either by himself, or by listening, VERY carefully, to EVERYONE who EVER said ANYTHING about recruiting, or hiring lawyers, or anything else. . . Joe has learned THIS, for SURE (Joe has a BIG FRICKIN' MOUTH, but Joe always, Always, ALWAYS listens to people who have experience that he does not, especially when THEY are doing what he is NOT YET ABLE to do. . .Joe listens to EVERYTHING. You can ALWAYS discard that which is worthless, but if you never hear it, you'll never even know):
You may have the perfect job, today. You may have the PERFECT life, today. You may BE perfect. Today. But life can change COMPLETELY, tomorrow. So always, Always, ALWAYS listen when someone offers you another option. You can always say no. But ALWAYS listen. Because, unless you have the power to CHANGE the future, you really can't KNOW it.
And that is the end of our sermon. If you'll please return your hymnals to the holder in front of you, you may consider yourself excused. Joe is DONE preaching for today. Joe is APPARENTLY full of some kind of Spirit.
In any event, be flattered when someone wants to talk to you for a job. It could be worse. . .they could want NOT to talk to you. Joe's just saying.
LOVE your Recruiter!!
JoeRecruiter
p.s. Now get out there and send people to the damn blog. . .spread far and wide the word! (hey, once Joe gets started preaching, he goes for it!)
CORRECTION:
It has been brung to Joe's attenzione that there were, in fact (as opposed to in point of fact. . .we'll be getting back to this in a moment, by the way), TEN potential references, not eight, as adduced in the foregoing. In Joe-glish, this means, I said they wuz eight insides, if you count all the potentials, but they is in fact ten. Because Joe foolishly forgot to count at the END of the rant, to, you know, CLOSE OUT the rant, which is HIGHLY irregular (hint: another one. The exact quote is: "This is HIGHLY irregular Commander!").
While we're at it, Joe would like someone to explain to him when you should say "in fact. . ..bluh bluh bluh. . ." and when you should say "in point of fact, bluh bluh bluh. . . ." Joe is JUST asking.
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