Howdy, Y'all. JoeRecruiter is on a short sabbatticcall (yes, JoeRecruiter knows it's spelled wrong. . .that's sort of part of the joke), because of a MAJOR project. Also, Joe closed the deal with Junior Partner. Righton. Please don't neglect reading the site. joe loves you.
Love Your Recruiter!
JoeRecruiter
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Saturday, April 01, 2006
Reflections on a Can of Liquid Cocaine Substitute
Okay, it isn't really liquid cocaine substitute, and, to be honest, JoeRecruiter wouldn't know cocaine, or a substitute, if it walked up and bit him on the ass, although it might be fun to try. . .JoeRecruiter missed the "rah rah" druggie days of the 80s, and given his problems with even a double Mocha Latte ("he do the Shimmy Shimmy Shake. . .Yeah!), doubts that his system could tolerate even a gram of the stuff. An ounce? A kilo? Who knows? However, JoeRecruiter apparently has no problem swilling down, well, let's just call it "Blue Cow" energy drink, three at a time. Of course, after such an event, Joe could separate butter from whole milk (or make a FANTASTIC martini), but it has been a FATIGUING couple of weeks, and OH, has Joe missed YOU!
First of all, the Bi-Coastal, unilateral, search and destroy, meet and greet, ass-kissing, baby-shaking, hand-wiping LOVE fest between JoeRecruiter and the Law Firms. The ONLY thing that made it bearable was the fact that JoeRecruiter never ever EVER flies coach. Ever. Or on Southwest Airlines. Ever. Joe LOVES Southwest Airlines, but simply REFUSES to be part of a cattle call unless Hollywood is somehow involved. The soft, soothing strains of "Now boarding all passengers with a 'C' boarding pass" almost NEVER comes to Joe's mind when he thinks about relaxing. Plus, people are freakin' jerks, man.
One sweet old dear nearly mowed Joe down once on a junket from Joe's "house in the hills just below heaven" to a stolen weekend in Las Vegas, in order to get in line TWO people ahead of him. How she got smashed up against the JetWay on the walk up into the aircraft is a mystery for the ages. Even more disturbing was the rumour that someone hissed "Watch your Hips, Granny, cuz next time you go all the way DOWN!" as they entered the passenger compartment. People can be SO insensitive to the elderly.
Where was Joe? Oh yes, the Love Fest. So, there JoeRecruiter was, minding his own business, when Feeley McFinster, the Managing Partner of Dewey Lykitt Ruff called him up right in the MIDDLE of a SERIOUS negotiation with a Junior Partner (not for a job, mind you, but, rather, another Stolen Weekend in Las Vegas. . .talks ARE progressing). Feeley and the Boyz, as Joe likes to call them wanted Joe to come and say "Hidey Ho" to the fellas, explain Joe's recruiting strategy (actually, very simple: Attach a Hundred Dollar Bill to Invisible Fishing Line. Place Bill where Beagle Will See It. When he goes for the bait, make him chase it for a while. When he starts to tire, let him get close to it. When he bends over to retrieve it, shoot him with a Tranquilizer Dart, and throw his ass in a white unmarked van. Works every time), and how using Joe's Firm ('kay, whatEVER, Joe's FIRM. . .please!), can help them with their strategic development. WHAT?
That was call one.
Call Two was this: Lateral Associate Mervys DePasquale de La Smith McDougal Ciccone-Lattimore III. Senior Associate Candidate. Simply UnWILLING to send Joe the required documents without knowing the identity of the firm. Sorry, Joe, I "just can't do it. An ETHICAL recruiter would disclose the name of the firm. . .I'd like to work with you, but if you can't disclose the name of the firm, then I'll have to find another recruiter."
This was easy:
Dear Merv: Thanks for considering us, and please accept our best wishes in finding a suitable recruiter to fulfill your needs. Warm Wishes, JoeRecruiter.
And it really is just that easy. Let's go over this again, with maybe some history, so you guys can get this through your smart but willful heads:
I do NOT care whether or not you think you know who the law firm is. . .I'm still not going to tell you until you send me your resume, your grades, you comp, billing, and rate, and expected comp. And no, I'm not going to tell you the comp level, because I'm probably not going to KNOW it. . .it depends on a HUNDRED factors, many of which I just don't KNOW in the first phone call, and any recruiter who tells you differently is LYING to you. (Listen carefully, even when they tell you a "range" they'll couch it in careful terms: "Well, the RANGE is PROBABLY somewhere between X and Y, depending on experience, but it could be MORE or less." Why bother. I just don't know, until I see YOUR comp, bonus, billables, etc., etc. The GOOD news, by the way, is that, unlike OTHER types of employers, Law Firms rarely try to screw you on salary by lowballing you based on your previous salary/salary history.
I do NOT care if OTHER recruiters disclose the identity of the law firm (by the way, I don't believe you, either. . .I talk to law firm recruiters EVERY DAY, and they all tell me they ask for their name to be withheld). . .Here's the deal. Law firms don't want us to disclose their identity before we receive YOUR information because, in the past, and again, we're SURE that YOU would never do this, but, in the past, maybe ONCE or TWICE, a candidate called one recruiter or another to ask about a position. The typical line was given: "I'm sorry, but I can't disclose the name of the firm until I see your information." The Lawyer said something like "well, how do I know you even really have a job available, you could be making it all up." And, of course, the Legal Recruiter, not having his/her wits about him/her told the candidate the name of the firm. They talked for a little while, and the candidate said they'd send their information, and that was the end of it. Of course, you know how this turned out, right? The candidate turned RIGHT AROUND and applied to the Law Firm, denied ever having contacted ANY recruiter about the position (despite the fact, discovered later, that the position wasn't even posted at the time of first contact), WAITED until the law firm posted the position, and then, when the recruiter protested, denied ever having had a discussion with the recruiter. It turned into a big mess, and put the law firm in the middle of a conflict between the Lawyer and the Recruiter, and EVERYBODY lost.
So NO, I'm NEVER going to tell you the name of the Law Firm until I have something in my hand from you indicating an interest in the job that I told you about, with a bloody TIMESTAMP on it, that can serve as a record of our conversation. Do I ever expect to use it? No, and I never have HAD to, but you're never gonna put me in the position where I'd need to, and the law firm won't let you put them in that position either. IF it's really a problem, at the minimum, you should offer to send an email outlining your interest in the "Real Estate Associate Position with a Major Law Firm in Duck Blind, Arkansas" or whatever, but the law firms rely on Recruiters to keep this information confidential for good reason. It's not about jerking your chain. . .it's about making sure that THEIR chain doesn't get jerked.
While we're on the topic, don't think for a moment that you get "credit" for saving money for a law firm by going around a recruiter and saving the firm money. Any credit you'd get for saving them money spent on a recruiter is more than offset by the ethical questions raised by your going around a recruiter who was only pursuing his/her job at the behest of the firm in question. Furthermore, you should ask yourself this question: Would you really want to WORK with a law firm that APPROVED of this type of unethical behavior? If that's okay with them, what will they do or NOT do in order to avoid paying YOU for legitimate work you've undertaken on their behalf?
More than once, Joe and others have heard stories about Law Firms who've taken a pass on a candidate who comes to them on "ill-gotten" information, particularly when the fact is disclosed later in the process. Joe doesn't KNOW that a Lawyer has ever been FIRED for this, but he DOES know lawyers who 've left law firms they went to under a "cloud," and those relationships just "didn't work out." Do all of us a favour. . .If this is the way you work, don't even bother to call. We WILL find out, we'll make SURE The firm finds out (maybe not directly, but they WILL find out. . .at least the MP will find out), and we'll probably find a way to let the local Bar Committee find out (Recruiters know everyone, and, if we don't know someone, we know someone who knows them).
I do NOT care if you have concerns about your information (well, I DO, but let me explain: we give a very CLEAR guarantee about preserving your confidentiality. In fact, it should BE the case that, in every interaction with a Recruiter, your conversations are confidential. In JoeRecruiter's case, they ALWAYS are, from the first "Hi, Buffy, this is JoeRecruiter at JoeRecruiter's Firm" to the moment you accept the offer).
I do NOT care if you "prefer to wait to discuss "THAT" (whatever THAT is) until we have a better idea of what we're talking about." Guess what? It's NOT your call. I KNOW the law firm. I KNOW the recruiters. I KNOW the job. I'm trying to, I'm sorry to have to say it, PRE-Qualify you. I know you think you're doing me a HUGE favor by returning my call, and you ARE, but so what? That doesn't mean you're qualified for the JOB I have in mind. When I call, I'm purposefully vague so as to save your ass from embarrassment or outright trouble if someone should happen to find out. . .you can always pass it off as "Oh, you know, it was just another one of those DAMN recruiters. . .they call EVERYONE," but when you call me, you'd better be prepared to give me some information about who you are, what you do, how much you make, how much you bill, what you bill at, and your expertise, so I can see if you're a match to the JOB. It's not personal, and you shouldn't take it as such.
And you shouldn't worry that I'm going to take your resume and submit it without your approval. I know there are recruiters who HAVE done that, and maybe some will do it in the future, but I'm not going to, and, even if I did, all you have to say is "I don't recall giving JoeRecruiter permission to present me to you" and that ends it. And JoeRecruiter is very VERY smart, and KNOWS that he can't get paid if he didn't have your permission to present, so I'm not even going to bother.
So do yourself, your fellow lawyers, the Legal Profession, and Legal Recruiters ALL a favor and LOSE THE ATTITUDE. Law Firms need associates and Partners. They want to add the best ones they can find. But they don't have time to call everyone. So they come to me. I want to find the best associates and partners I can. So I call YOU. WHEN I call, you MAY be happy, or you MAY not, but if you think you MIGHT be amenable to a discussion about another option, then you should call me and at least find out about the other position. If YOU are NOT currently interested, but you know your friend Billy Bob McSweeney might be looking, tell Billy Bob to call me.
Because, here's the thing. Even if you DO go ahead and send your info, and it looks good, and I decide to present you, and I send the info (with your permission), the Law Firm may still decide to pass on you. Law Firms being Law Firms, they ALWAYS hold back a little on EXACTLY what they want, and why shouldn't they? If I'm the MP, I know what I'm looking for, but I can't necessarily put it into words. My External Recruiter is there to refine the search and present the LIKELIEST candidates, based on his/her knowledge of ME, my law firm, our practice, and the kinds of lawyers we hire, and wait for feedback, and move from there.
This is why we always say your chances are better with an external. We KNOW it's true, and, here's the thing. . . if External Recruiters weren't adding value to the Lawyer Search process, we wouldn't exist. There'd be NO demand for us, and certainly we wouldn't be making money (OR placements). So hate us all you want, badmouth us all you want. And keep on submitting to those job boards. But when you're ready to find a REAL job, with a REAL salary, and a REAL law firm, call me back. Because I'm ALWAYS looking for good, smart lawyers. And, in my experience, the good, smart lawyers ALWAYS call you back.
Look, I'm not gonna pretend that this profession doesn't have its share of scumbags and lowlifes. . . it does, and perhaps MORE than its share. But you wouldn't indict the entire legal profession because of a few less than perfect examples of lawyerly dignity, would you? Oh, you would. Well, don't extend that to recruiters. The good news is that the scumbags rarely stay around long because, between candidates and Law Firms, news travels VERY fast (JoeRecruiter KNOWS. . .JoeRecruiter's blog has been growing by referral since day one of its publication. . .more than 90% of our hits are by referral. . . right ON, you guys!). See, if you do damage to a candidate in, say, oh, Detroit, the word will be out on you in three days, and NO ONE will ever call you again. Oh, the Law Firms might call, but the candidates NEVER will, and NO candidate, no placement.
Joe learned this lesson well and early. There was this Legal Recruiter named Biff Lazenby. Biff was kewl. He'd been a lawyer, then he became a Legal Recruiter. Did well for a while. But Biff didn't like to wait for ACTUAL Job Openings (some recruiters don't, and that's okay. . .Joe only places for OPEN positions, but you're always welcome to call and chat. . .most good recruiters are like this), and he very often "shopped" resumes to Law Firms with which he had no relationship. Well, a time or two, it worked, and Biff got paid. So he got bolder. Pretty soon, Candidates who'd just been placed would be talking at the Water Cooler, and, Candidate A would say "Well, whaddya know, another Biff Lazenby Candidate!" to Candidate B, who'd say "Bih-wha-wa Huh?", and, before you could say "busted scumbag" Biff's Career was deader than K-Fed's. "Lesson Learned!" said JoeRecruiter.
But we were talking about that damn Love Fest, weren't we? So, Joe called a NUMBER of the Law Firms, given that he was going to have to go on the road with his Dawg and Pony show, and, after 10 long LONG days, Joe is Home and Happenin' and HERE TO TELL YOU that he is absolutely convinced that traveling to meet Law Firm is a CRIMINAL waste of time, as was the visit to Junior Partner's Law Firm (Joe thought that visibility would improve the outcome of the talks. . . did Joe mention that talks are. . .progressing?). On the other hand, the Law Firms DID pay for the trips, Joe flew Business Class, and the FluffyLicious Bed (or whatever) was as comfortable as advertised. The Law Firms even paid for Joe's Blue Cow, which, while unexpected, was very MUCH appreciated.
Joe even managed a Stolen Weekend in Las Vegas. Somehow, from this distance in time and space, traces of last night's conquest still apparent in the suite at the Not AT ALL Over The Top Bellagio Hotel, the continuing talks with Junior Partner seem less crticial.
However, at the risk of making an unintended, but thoroughly delightful and appropriate pun, Joe still has a bone to pick with Mervys DePasquale de La Smith McDougal Ciccone-Lattimore III, Esq., Attorney and Counselor at Law. And all the other Mervys's (Mervyses? Joe's just not sure. . .) out there in the world.
This is JoeRecruiter's take: When a Legal Recruiter calls you, even it's NOT JoeRecruiter (you should BE so lucky), take a moment out of your busy Beagle day, and call the poor sucker back. You never KNOW when things are gonna change. Unless you've been living in a hole, you've seen things change at about half a dozen of the TOP law firms in just the past two months or so, ALL over the country. Joe would not, could not, name names, but just think with Joe: West Coast, East Coast, Central States, New England. . .just to name a few. Mergers, Buyouts, Indictments, Accusations, Partner Defections, the list goes on. It's DEFINITELY worth a moment of your time, now and again, to lift your nose up from that memorandum you're drafting for a senior partner to see what's happening all around you.
And if you've been wondering, for even a few minutes of the day, ANY day, if there's something MORE, or something DIFFERENT, take another moment and place a call yourself. Just make sure you have a cellphone and an external email. Recruiters, while nasty, evil-tempered, vicious, and slow-witted, DO get that confidentiality, subtlety, and discretion are important to their candidates and potential candidates, even if they don't practice them themselves.
Well, that's it. The leeward side of the bed is stirring. Nightlife in Las Vegas awaits. Plus, there's a small possibility that Joe may have NO choice but to take Southwest back home to the little "house in the hills just below heaven." If you, or a family member, have delicate hips, you may want to take another flight. JoeRecruiter says "no cuts!" And I mean it.
Big Sloppy Vegas Style Kisses,
JoeRecruiter
Love Your Recruiter!!!
First of all, the Bi-Coastal, unilateral, search and destroy, meet and greet, ass-kissing, baby-shaking, hand-wiping LOVE fest between JoeRecruiter and the Law Firms. The ONLY thing that made it bearable was the fact that JoeRecruiter never ever EVER flies coach. Ever. Or on Southwest Airlines. Ever. Joe LOVES Southwest Airlines, but simply REFUSES to be part of a cattle call unless Hollywood is somehow involved. The soft, soothing strains of "Now boarding all passengers with a 'C' boarding pass" almost NEVER comes to Joe's mind when he thinks about relaxing. Plus, people are freakin' jerks, man.
One sweet old dear nearly mowed Joe down once on a junket from Joe's "house in the hills just below heaven" to a stolen weekend in Las Vegas, in order to get in line TWO people ahead of him. How she got smashed up against the JetWay on the walk up into the aircraft is a mystery for the ages. Even more disturbing was the rumour that someone hissed "Watch your Hips, Granny, cuz next time you go all the way DOWN!" as they entered the passenger compartment. People can be SO insensitive to the elderly.
Where was Joe? Oh yes, the Love Fest. So, there JoeRecruiter was, minding his own business, when Feeley McFinster, the Managing Partner of Dewey Lykitt Ruff called him up right in the MIDDLE of a SERIOUS negotiation with a Junior Partner (not for a job, mind you, but, rather, another Stolen Weekend in Las Vegas. . .talks ARE progressing). Feeley and the Boyz, as Joe likes to call them wanted Joe to come and say "Hidey Ho" to the fellas, explain Joe's recruiting strategy (actually, very simple: Attach a Hundred Dollar Bill to Invisible Fishing Line. Place Bill where Beagle Will See It. When he goes for the bait, make him chase it for a while. When he starts to tire, let him get close to it. When he bends over to retrieve it, shoot him with a Tranquilizer Dart, and throw his ass in a white unmarked van. Works every time), and how using Joe's Firm ('kay, whatEVER, Joe's FIRM. . .please!), can help them with their strategic development. WHAT?
That was call one.
Call Two was this: Lateral Associate Mervys DePasquale de La Smith McDougal Ciccone-Lattimore III. Senior Associate Candidate. Simply UnWILLING to send Joe the required documents without knowing the identity of the firm. Sorry, Joe, I "just can't do it. An ETHICAL recruiter would disclose the name of the firm. . .I'd like to work with you, but if you can't disclose the name of the firm, then I'll have to find another recruiter."
This was easy:
Dear Merv: Thanks for considering us, and please accept our best wishes in finding a suitable recruiter to fulfill your needs. Warm Wishes, JoeRecruiter.
And it really is just that easy. Let's go over this again, with maybe some history, so you guys can get this through your smart but willful heads:
I do NOT care whether or not you think you know who the law firm is. . .I'm still not going to tell you until you send me your resume, your grades, you comp, billing, and rate, and expected comp. And no, I'm not going to tell you the comp level, because I'm probably not going to KNOW it. . .it depends on a HUNDRED factors, many of which I just don't KNOW in the first phone call, and any recruiter who tells you differently is LYING to you. (Listen carefully, even when they tell you a "range" they'll couch it in careful terms: "Well, the RANGE is PROBABLY somewhere between X and Y, depending on experience, but it could be MORE or less." Why bother. I just don't know, until I see YOUR comp, bonus, billables, etc., etc. The GOOD news, by the way, is that, unlike OTHER types of employers, Law Firms rarely try to screw you on salary by lowballing you based on your previous salary/salary history.
I do NOT care if OTHER recruiters disclose the identity of the law firm (by the way, I don't believe you, either. . .I talk to law firm recruiters EVERY DAY, and they all tell me they ask for their name to be withheld). . .Here's the deal. Law firms don't want us to disclose their identity before we receive YOUR information because, in the past, and again, we're SURE that YOU would never do this, but, in the past, maybe ONCE or TWICE, a candidate called one recruiter or another to ask about a position. The typical line was given: "I'm sorry, but I can't disclose the name of the firm until I see your information." The Lawyer said something like "well, how do I know you even really have a job available, you could be making it all up." And, of course, the Legal Recruiter, not having his/her wits about him/her told the candidate the name of the firm. They talked for a little while, and the candidate said they'd send their information, and that was the end of it. Of course, you know how this turned out, right? The candidate turned RIGHT AROUND and applied to the Law Firm, denied ever having contacted ANY recruiter about the position (despite the fact, discovered later, that the position wasn't even posted at the time of first contact), WAITED until the law firm posted the position, and then, when the recruiter protested, denied ever having had a discussion with the recruiter. It turned into a big mess, and put the law firm in the middle of a conflict between the Lawyer and the Recruiter, and EVERYBODY lost.
So NO, I'm NEVER going to tell you the name of the Law Firm until I have something in my hand from you indicating an interest in the job that I told you about, with a bloody TIMESTAMP on it, that can serve as a record of our conversation. Do I ever expect to use it? No, and I never have HAD to, but you're never gonna put me in the position where I'd need to, and the law firm won't let you put them in that position either. IF it's really a problem, at the minimum, you should offer to send an email outlining your interest in the "Real Estate Associate Position with a Major Law Firm in Duck Blind, Arkansas" or whatever, but the law firms rely on Recruiters to keep this information confidential for good reason. It's not about jerking your chain. . .it's about making sure that THEIR chain doesn't get jerked.
While we're on the topic, don't think for a moment that you get "credit" for saving money for a law firm by going around a recruiter and saving the firm money. Any credit you'd get for saving them money spent on a recruiter is more than offset by the ethical questions raised by your going around a recruiter who was only pursuing his/her job at the behest of the firm in question. Furthermore, you should ask yourself this question: Would you really want to WORK with a law firm that APPROVED of this type of unethical behavior? If that's okay with them, what will they do or NOT do in order to avoid paying YOU for legitimate work you've undertaken on their behalf?
More than once, Joe and others have heard stories about Law Firms who've taken a pass on a candidate who comes to them on "ill-gotten" information, particularly when the fact is disclosed later in the process. Joe doesn't KNOW that a Lawyer has ever been FIRED for this, but he DOES know lawyers who 've left law firms they went to under a "cloud," and those relationships just "didn't work out." Do all of us a favour. . .If this is the way you work, don't even bother to call. We WILL find out, we'll make SURE The firm finds out (maybe not directly, but they WILL find out. . .at least the MP will find out), and we'll probably find a way to let the local Bar Committee find out (Recruiters know everyone, and, if we don't know someone, we know someone who knows them).
I do NOT care if you have concerns about your information (well, I DO, but let me explain: we give a very CLEAR guarantee about preserving your confidentiality. In fact, it should BE the case that, in every interaction with a Recruiter, your conversations are confidential. In JoeRecruiter's case, they ALWAYS are, from the first "Hi, Buffy, this is JoeRecruiter at JoeRecruiter's Firm" to the moment you accept the offer).
I do NOT care if you "prefer to wait to discuss "THAT" (whatever THAT is) until we have a better idea of what we're talking about." Guess what? It's NOT your call. I KNOW the law firm. I KNOW the recruiters. I KNOW the job. I'm trying to, I'm sorry to have to say it, PRE-Qualify you. I know you think you're doing me a HUGE favor by returning my call, and you ARE, but so what? That doesn't mean you're qualified for the JOB I have in mind. When I call, I'm purposefully vague so as to save your ass from embarrassment or outright trouble if someone should happen to find out. . .you can always pass it off as "Oh, you know, it was just another one of those DAMN recruiters. . .they call EVERYONE," but when you call me, you'd better be prepared to give me some information about who you are, what you do, how much you make, how much you bill, what you bill at, and your expertise, so I can see if you're a match to the JOB. It's not personal, and you shouldn't take it as such.
And you shouldn't worry that I'm going to take your resume and submit it without your approval. I know there are recruiters who HAVE done that, and maybe some will do it in the future, but I'm not going to, and, even if I did, all you have to say is "I don't recall giving JoeRecruiter permission to present me to you" and that ends it. And JoeRecruiter is very VERY smart, and KNOWS that he can't get paid if he didn't have your permission to present, so I'm not even going to bother.
So do yourself, your fellow lawyers, the Legal Profession, and Legal Recruiters ALL a favor and LOSE THE ATTITUDE. Law Firms need associates and Partners. They want to add the best ones they can find. But they don't have time to call everyone. So they come to me. I want to find the best associates and partners I can. So I call YOU. WHEN I call, you MAY be happy, or you MAY not, but if you think you MIGHT be amenable to a discussion about another option, then you should call me and at least find out about the other position. If YOU are NOT currently interested, but you know your friend Billy Bob McSweeney might be looking, tell Billy Bob to call me.
Because, here's the thing. Even if you DO go ahead and send your info, and it looks good, and I decide to present you, and I send the info (with your permission), the Law Firm may still decide to pass on you. Law Firms being Law Firms, they ALWAYS hold back a little on EXACTLY what they want, and why shouldn't they? If I'm the MP, I know what I'm looking for, but I can't necessarily put it into words. My External Recruiter is there to refine the search and present the LIKELIEST candidates, based on his/her knowledge of ME, my law firm, our practice, and the kinds of lawyers we hire, and wait for feedback, and move from there.
This is why we always say your chances are better with an external. We KNOW it's true, and, here's the thing. . . if External Recruiters weren't adding value to the Lawyer Search process, we wouldn't exist. There'd be NO demand for us, and certainly we wouldn't be making money (OR placements). So hate us all you want, badmouth us all you want. And keep on submitting to those job boards. But when you're ready to find a REAL job, with a REAL salary, and a REAL law firm, call me back. Because I'm ALWAYS looking for good, smart lawyers. And, in my experience, the good, smart lawyers ALWAYS call you back.
Look, I'm not gonna pretend that this profession doesn't have its share of scumbags and lowlifes. . . it does, and perhaps MORE than its share. But you wouldn't indict the entire legal profession because of a few less than perfect examples of lawyerly dignity, would you? Oh, you would. Well, don't extend that to recruiters. The good news is that the scumbags rarely stay around long because, between candidates and Law Firms, news travels VERY fast (JoeRecruiter KNOWS. . .JoeRecruiter's blog has been growing by referral since day one of its publication. . .more than 90% of our hits are by referral. . . right ON, you guys!). See, if you do damage to a candidate in, say, oh, Detroit, the word will be out on you in three days, and NO ONE will ever call you again. Oh, the Law Firms might call, but the candidates NEVER will, and NO candidate, no placement.
Joe learned this lesson well and early. There was this Legal Recruiter named Biff Lazenby. Biff was kewl. He'd been a lawyer, then he became a Legal Recruiter. Did well for a while. But Biff didn't like to wait for ACTUAL Job Openings (some recruiters don't, and that's okay. . .Joe only places for OPEN positions, but you're always welcome to call and chat. . .most good recruiters are like this), and he very often "shopped" resumes to Law Firms with which he had no relationship. Well, a time or two, it worked, and Biff got paid. So he got bolder. Pretty soon, Candidates who'd just been placed would be talking at the Water Cooler, and, Candidate A would say "Well, whaddya know, another Biff Lazenby Candidate!" to Candidate B, who'd say "Bih-wha-wa Huh?", and, before you could say "busted scumbag" Biff's Career was deader than K-Fed's. "Lesson Learned!" said JoeRecruiter.
But we were talking about that damn Love Fest, weren't we? So, Joe called a NUMBER of the Law Firms, given that he was going to have to go on the road with his Dawg and Pony show, and, after 10 long LONG days, Joe is Home and Happenin' and HERE TO TELL YOU that he is absolutely convinced that traveling to meet Law Firm is a CRIMINAL waste of time, as was the visit to Junior Partner's Law Firm (Joe thought that visibility would improve the outcome of the talks. . . did Joe mention that talks are. . .progressing?). On the other hand, the Law Firms DID pay for the trips, Joe flew Business Class, and the FluffyLicious Bed (or whatever) was as comfortable as advertised. The Law Firms even paid for Joe's Blue Cow, which, while unexpected, was very MUCH appreciated.
Joe even managed a Stolen Weekend in Las Vegas. Somehow, from this distance in time and space, traces of last night's conquest still apparent in the suite at the Not AT ALL Over The Top Bellagio Hotel, the continuing talks with Junior Partner seem less crticial.
However, at the risk of making an unintended, but thoroughly delightful and appropriate pun, Joe still has a bone to pick with Mervys DePasquale de La Smith McDougal Ciccone-Lattimore III, Esq., Attorney and Counselor at Law. And all the other Mervys's (Mervyses? Joe's just not sure. . .) out there in the world.
This is JoeRecruiter's take: When a Legal Recruiter calls you, even it's NOT JoeRecruiter (you should BE so lucky), take a moment out of your busy Beagle day, and call the poor sucker back. You never KNOW when things are gonna change. Unless you've been living in a hole, you've seen things change at about half a dozen of the TOP law firms in just the past two months or so, ALL over the country. Joe would not, could not, name names, but just think with Joe: West Coast, East Coast, Central States, New England. . .just to name a few. Mergers, Buyouts, Indictments, Accusations, Partner Defections, the list goes on. It's DEFINITELY worth a moment of your time, now and again, to lift your nose up from that memorandum you're drafting for a senior partner to see what's happening all around you.
And if you've been wondering, for even a few minutes of the day, ANY day, if there's something MORE, or something DIFFERENT, take another moment and place a call yourself. Just make sure you have a cellphone and an external email. Recruiters, while nasty, evil-tempered, vicious, and slow-witted, DO get that confidentiality, subtlety, and discretion are important to their candidates and potential candidates, even if they don't practice them themselves.
Well, that's it. The leeward side of the bed is stirring. Nightlife in Las Vegas awaits. Plus, there's a small possibility that Joe may have NO choice but to take Southwest back home to the little "house in the hills just below heaven." If you, or a family member, have delicate hips, you may want to take another flight. JoeRecruiter says "no cuts!" And I mean it.
Big Sloppy Vegas Style Kisses,
JoeRecruiter
Love Your Recruiter!!!
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