Lawyers who Frolic, & Other Shuddery Thoughts (uggggh!)

Your JoeRecruiter got the weirdest call this not so long ago last week. A Beagle JoeR has no choice but to call Little Bunni FuFu (trust JoeRecruiter on this. . .if you met this Beagle, you would SO understand), called in a state of High Crisis.

After looking at not one, not two, not three, but many, many of the Law firm Recruiting Sites, the Beagle In Question was beside his/her Beagle Self (in the interest of confidentiality, and also because it's screamingly funny, JoeR can not, in good conscience and poor taste, disclose LBFF's Gender. But you can guess, and play along with Joe, right?)

It would appear that, in an effort to appear charmingly delightful, relevant, and, I don't know, maybe even chummy, the Law Foims are doing "Wedge of Life" videos and pics on their websites. And, yes, for the record, JoeRecruiter will, starting now, and henceforth, flip indiscriminately, and wildly, from first to third person at the drop of a, whatever, hat, trou, dangling participle. . . doesn't matter. Hell, drop of a glucose level, or even an area of a concentration curve, Joe isn't proud. Did ya see that? What I did just now. Right there? Like that. Be carefy. It could happen at any second.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand. Ugh! Makes Joe shuddah. Are you kidding me? Lawyers frolicking. Fun and games on the roof of a law firm? It's, why it's, it's unseemly, is what it is. By the way, can we just clear something up, for all y'all white people out there in lawyer-land? It's NOT freakin' Bocce BALL, it's just freakin' BOCCE. It IS a Bocce ball, in the same way that it's a Soccer ball , but that's like calling the game football ball or baseball ball. What is WRONG with you? I double-dog DARE you to go to South Philly and say, "Hey, youse, can I play a game of Bocce-Ball wit you?" on a Friday afternoon and make it out alive. I don't think it can be done, and I've done more than my share of South Philly, let me just say that and leave it there.

Little Bunni FuFu's fundamental problem, and I agree, is that the firms are selling the wrong dream, and, as much as Joe hates to agree, I'm afraid that I must. Let's face it, if you're a summer-slummer, yeah, they're gonna be nice to you, but who isn't nice to the (insert appropriate sleazy term here) they're (insert appropriate mechanical description here) during the summer? You're always nice to the summer-vacation-relation. It's a super-intense master-blaster.

It's REAL LUV. About to HAPPEN. No, really, I'm SERIOUS. I never felt this way about ANYONE before. I MEAN it! Um, you ARE taking something, though, right? Just in case it doesn't work out. Not that it wouldn't. I mean, I'm TOTALLY committed to YOU. I'm just saying.

But, eventually, you know, fall has fell, and then reality sets in, and then, well, the truth, she is HERE. Thank whatever (higher power, or whatever) you (believe and/or don't) in.

[Remember when you could just say "Thank God" and if someone didn't, they just went "whatEVER!" and rolled their eyes, and that was that? I miss those days!]

And then, the beatings start. Oh, sure, at first, they just use their hands. Of course, you like it, we all like it. But when they start using the dipolar metallic alloy clips and the batteries, of course, you have to say, "um, are we getting paid overtime for this, or what?" Whoops. Perhaps Joe is oversharing.

Here's the thing, and there's just no getting away from it. I don't want my lawyer to frolic. At least, not at work. Certainly not when I'm paying him, her, or them, a couple hundred dollars an hour.

As a client, I don't wanna see that. As a recruiter, I don't wanna see that. And as a potential employee (or whatever dumb ass term they're using this week), I don't wanna see that either. Not even as a summerfun intern hoop-de-hoo party monkey.

Hell, I don't wanna see pictures of it, even if I'm snorting cocaine off a hooker's butt. On the other hand, I paid good money for those negatives, so they better not show up in People magazine, or heads are gonna roll. Damn! Oversharing, again.

Love Your Recruiter,



JoeRecruiter

p.s. And always know the name of a good bail bondsman (bondsperson?). Again, I'm just saying.

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