What do Clients Want? What Joe Wants. Duh!

Joe hears it all the time? Hey, Joe. . .you got gum?. . .I mean, hey Joe, what do clients want? Clients want what Joe wants, and Joe wants what Clients want. We've been over this before. But, as usual, you were doing so SO well, and then things went to hell in a Laundry Basket.

Whether a partner or an associate, if you're going to bother to call, be prepared to tell me what you earn, your hourly rate, your portable book value, and what you billed last year, and your average for the last five years. Within the first three or so minutes. Before I tell you the name of the client. Don't argue with me about it, because I'm not going to tell you. Even if I wanted to, I can't. And don't think you're hurting me or my chances by not disclosing, either. You wouldn't have called if you weren't interested, and if YOU called, what makes you think others haven't?

The truth is, about 12% (remember that figure from our earlier lesson?) of ALL attorneys move around on an annual basis, so they're calling, and a LOT of them are calling Joe, so if you're an uppity type lawyer, don't even bother to call me. I'd just as soon you stay with your current firm and make THEM miserable.

Joe would prefer to work with smart, happy lawyers who know their capabilities, and their abilities, and know they're dealing with a professional who isn't going to blab their information all around town. If you're so insecure you can't tell me what I need to know, just don't bother to call me. By the way, Joe probably makes more than you do, so don't think you're likely to shock me (hint: Joe's BASE is higher than the highest salary paid to the highest associate level of the highest paying BigLaw firm in the country, plus, Joe gets a very generous commission, AND bonuses). Hey, water finds its own level.

And, yes, Joe is a snob. He prefers to work with the best attorneys and law firms in the country. So far, so good. You don't wanna play in our sandbox, that's fine too. Stay second class. . .the world needs you too. . .just don't call a boy, and we won't bother you neither.

What brought on this fit of pique? Oh, some ditz of a lawyer told me that s/he was "not at the applicant level anymore. . .I've been practicing law too long to be treated like a newbie, if you understand my meaning." Sure, Joe understands. But Joe deals with MPs and heads of Litigation and Corporate Law, and other departments all day long, and really only answers to those people and Exec Committees, and that level of person, but I STILL come down to the lower levels and mingle with associates and partners and lower mortals because that's what pays the rent, and I very politely ask y'all if you'd like to check out another opportunity, so, your highness, if I may be so bold, I don't think it's completely out of line to expect you to answer MY bloody questions, because, until you're OFFERED the bloody job, you ARE a bloody applicant, no matter WHAT you call yourself, or how HIGH your opinion of yourself (even rainmakers receive paychecks, your majesty. . .).

So when a boy calls and leaves a message, return it, be polite, answer the freakin' questions, and don't be so uppity. Because there may come a time when you need a recruiter/headhunter/ghoul/whatever you call us these days, and, at least in Joe's case, we have VERY long memories, and VERY short tempers.

LOVE your Recruiter!!

JoeRecruiter