Bunnies, and Beagles, and Muffins, Oh My!

So, you've probably heard some of the terms we in the Legal Recruiting world use to describe you. No, not the dirty words we use to DESCRIBE you. . .rather the way we classify you. Here is a primer of some words that have been used to describe people, places, and things in the profession. They have the JoeSpin (tm) on them, but, as we all know, Joe is in the know. So if you use them in any other context, you're probably working with some punk at Wussy, Sissy, and Girly, instead of a Real Recruiter. Joe will have more to say on this crap later.

First of all, all lawyers are attorneys which are lawyers, which are BEAGLES. This was born in the middle of a Sushi Storm with both hot AND cold Sake. Joe thinks someone was trying to say "Legal Eagle," but it seemed like too much work, so now, all Legal Eagles are Beagles. As in "I don't know, Mr. Fanucci, but let me call my Beagle, and we'll find out if this dead body in your cafe is a bad thing."

Bunnies: (bunny, singular): You. At least, when you first come out of school. See how cute you are with your little ears and your little tails, just EARNEST and HOPEFUL, and so SOFT and, well, BUNNY-Like. You'll be a bunny until you're a Third-Year at which time you'll become a

Joey or Freshman: Not as bad as a bunny, but, still, you know, in many ways, like a Bunny, but older. For those of you so disposed, don't ever EVER call yourself a "FROSH." You will be ridiculed from New York to LA and everywhere in between. Joe will make sure of it. However, if you mind your manners, and become a good multi-year associate, start to develop a practice and a following, eventually, you will become (music please), a

Stud: Again, not gender-specific. It's like "dude." You are either "dude" or you are "not dude." In California, Las Vegas, Seattle, Portland, Phoenix, and many other cool cities, you're actually allowed to smack someone who says "dudette," or something else equally lame, and Joe supports that rule with stud. Boy or girl, woman or man, if you're a stud, you're a stud, and if you're not, you're not. If you're not, don't call Joe, because Joe only deals with studs. Call one of the BigBoys.

BigBoy: One of the national/international/world-wide, multi-cultural, multi-office, soup to nuts, "we do it all for you" recruiting practices that know less about Legal Recruiting than Joe does about Bikini Waxing (although you'd be surprised). Or one of the bigBIG Legal Recruiting houses that are the same kind of operation, with many more recruiters than there are jobs, and not one single personal relationship with a law firm at all. What Joe doesn't ever want to be. It's like BigLaw to Lawyers. They're more about quantity than quality, at least in the "early years." But Joe, and even the BigBoys, need BigLaw for our Joeys and Studs. See, it's a circle of life. . .Sir Elton would be so pleased. Come, Simba.

Finally, a word has to be said about where all (or most, anyway) of this lingo comes from. Some of you may be thinking, "Of Course, Johnny Lingo!" but in this case, you would be wrong. No, Joe learned almost everything he knows, and a great deal of what he doesn't know, from BigDaddy PapaJoe. BigDaddy PapaJoe is the last of the great Legal Recruiters. Sadly, he is no longer recruiting, having burnt out trying to predict which of the BigLaw firms would be the first to reach a Million Dollars PPP. He had index cards and everything. Joe still remembers the last time he saw BigDaddy PapaJoe, in four-point restraints, being dragged off to the state Hospital, where he rots to this day, handicapping cockroaches for the weekly tournaments. There's a lesson here, although Joe doesn't know what it could possibly be.

Oh yeah, I remember: Love your Legal Recruiter. That's always good advice.