Here, Fishy, Fishy, Fishy! Oh, and, uh, THANKS!

Actually, let's do this in reverse. Joe would like to thank you, and you, and, oh, especially YOU for the props, high-fives, and assorted accolades (how's that for alliteration?) y'all have bestowed on one JoeRecruiter. According to the people who get paid to find these things out (in other words, NotJoe), this is one of the fastest-moving blogs around. So, keep up the good work. Tell your friends! Tell your enemies! Tell your FWBs. Tell yo' mama. And, absolutely, tell your in-house recruiters and all your associates. Spread the word. Joe likes feedback, even little snarky comments like you're about to read below (very BAD sentence construction; Joe is. . .ashamed).

Seriously, thanks for the support; Joe is touched. Joe and Co. will do our very best to keep this blog relevant, interesting, and, maybe just a little irreverent. Can Joe get a amen? Thanks. On to other details.

You're probably asking yourself "Self, what the hell do fishes have to do with Lawyerish Recruiting?", and no one could blame you. Imagine, if you will, the scene:
Joe is sitting at the JoeRecruiter PowerDesk, and, lo and by gum, the phone rings. Okay enough of that. I'm already tired of it.

Here's the deal: An associate at a very nice but not too special law firm returned Joe's call (you know how it goes: "Hey, Associate, this here's JoeRecruiter, and I have a job I think you might like. Hit me back, yo!"). Right out of the gate, no kisses, no flowers, the Associate (we'll call him Muttley) starts in on interrogation mode: "Who is this for? What about this? What about that? Do you get eggroll with six? Can you hear me now?" You know what Joe means.

Look, here's the down and dirty. When an ethical recruiter calls you about a position, the purpose of the call is to see if you're interested in an opportunity. We describe it generally, and, usually, the firm as well, but, you know, generally. There are two reasons for this.

First, and most important, virtually all firms want to know something about a candidate to find out if s/he fits their "model" of what they want in a new teammember, usually WAY before you find out their name. Second, we have agreements with the firms to conduct searches confidentially, and there are a lot of good, and some silly, reasons for this. You know, you're a beagle. . .beagles are cagey.

The upshot of all of this is that if you call back with a ton of questions that you want answered before you're willing to let Joe, or any other recruiter, "see what you got," you're gonna be depressed, and you're still not gonna get the information. Our job is to find candidates that fit the pattern the Law Firm drew, not the other way around. Don't worry about YOUR information getting out. Now, Joe KNOWS that there are some dork recruiters out there, but they're widely known, and so are their methods, and, anyway, there's a simple solution. You simply notify the recruiter that your info is confidential and can't be released without your permission.

In Joe's case, I generally ask a bunch of questions about your practice, your comp. level, your caseload, hourly rate, and so on. Find out what you like and don't like. Are you ready to move or just looking. Red wine or white. (just kidding). But, after the first discussion, Joe isn't ready to paper the world with your resume. . .it's just like a blind date, you know? Joe is sizing you up. And it's an important part of the process, even if it IS a little silly.

When an associate starts looking for all kinds of information (we call if "fishing a dry lake," or some other colorful expression, thus the term "fishing"), we mostly figure you're not interested, or, even more importantly, that you're gonna be a pain to work with. And that's okay too, except get THIS: Joe doesn't need a job. Joe isn't LOOKING for a job. Joe HAS a job. And, even if you're the greatest Associate in the world, and even your DOG calls you Stud ("Yo, Stud, 'sup?!"), things could change in an instant, and you could be fighting your dog for access to the food bowl. If you don't believe me, just check out the "Newsline" any week. And there's NO attorney harder to place than one who isn't working.

More to the point, placements rarely occur quickly. For example, even if Joe LOVES you, and you love Joe, and you're DEFINITELY looking to move, building a profile, sending all the information to the firm, getting back their response (and YES takes a LOT longer than NO), and on, and on, can take, LITERALLY, months. And this is if they LIKE you.

So, here, in semi-condensed form, is Joe's advice for the working attorney:

1. You are NOT irreplaceable, and you have less than no control over what's going to happen at your firm. Even if they love you, things could change. Accordingly, you should ALWAYS be scanning the horizon, so, at the very least, you know what's out there, and your level of marketability.

2. When a recruiter calls you about an ACTUAL position, it generally means that they've learned enough about you to think you might be a fit for the position. Only stupid recruiters call with empty hands, and empty hands don't get paid.

3. An ethical recruiter will almost never reveal the client's name to you before they have you on paper in THEIR hands. That's as it should be. After all, if they'll give the law firm's name up to you without approval, how do you know they won't give YOU up to a law firm the same way?

4. We know, we KNOW! Recruiting calls are a pain in the butt. The only people who like them less than attorneys are recruiters. Frankly, Joe'd prefer it if all of the resumes of qualified attorneys would appear on his desk underneath the Job Order, in a neat little pile, so he didn't have to squander 80% of his day dodging, ducking, weaving, and jabbing, just to leave you a message about a job that you might, Joe said MIGHT. . .love. However, the device that accomplishes all this is still in development, so UNTIL that time, Joe needs to call YOU, and YOU need to call him back.

5. Remember, you either PROVIDE dinner, or you ARE dinner. Go ahead, be sarcastic, BE testy. . .get an attitude. Joe will leave you alone. For ever and ever, and EVER. You don't wanna be bothered, hey, it ain't no thing. I won't call you again. Even when your firm implodes and the MP decides to cut staff by 20%, I will NEVER make your phone ring. You want it, you got it. In fact, do me a favor, and LOSE MY NUMBER. However, six months later, don't be surprised if you get an email saying "told you so."

6. Even if you have the greatest job in the world, it's a good idea to have a current copy of EVERYTHING, which is to say, a PROFESSIONAL resume, a most excellent writing sample, a copy of your transcripts (unofficial is fine for the first "data dump"), and, if you're truly inspired, a sort of "Profile" that lists things you KNOW a law firm would want to know: Area(s) of practice, and time in each; significant work or cases; annual comp. level (Base level, base plus bonus, Total Comp); hourly rate and annualized billable hours, plus explanations for any squirrelly formulas; key needs (why I'd move, IF I moved, which I haven't said I'm going to do, yet); you know, a sort of "You, on Paper" only better. Take all of this and convert it into a file you can just email, and you're home and happening, and it's only a few minutes of your time once the major work is done.

7. Make a "wish list" of places, or situations, that would inspire you, or that you'd be prepared to move for. Even if you're "dug in" at your firm, SECONDS away from being made partner, if you get a call, you can at least say "Well, I'm very happy here, but if there was a job that had THIS (your wish list), I might be interested." Who knows? Next month, next week, heck, maybe even tomorrow, a firm could call with the job-O'-your-dreams. It could happen! Actually, it happens every day.

8. Finally, be NICE to the recruiter. Remember, law firms may call us, but the truth of the matter is that it's our job to find the perfect job for YOU (you being the candidate, wise guy). When we make a perfect placement, everybody wins: The Law Firm, 'cuz they found the right beagle; You, 'cuz you found the right job; your dog, 'cuz now he doesn't have to share his Kibbles 'n Bits with YOU; and, of course, the noble, shy, warm and friendly, almost puppyish JoeRecruiter, because he gets paid, which means he can now give even more money to HotsyTotsyJoe, about which, the less said the better. See, it's ALL good!

Remember, love your recruiter. Just don't LOVE your recruiter. And it wouldn't kill you to maybe pick up the phone now and then would it? Call your mother.