Joe Is Listening, "en moment".

Wow, you guyz (for the record, "you guys" is a Western US version of "y'all"; it doesn't mean "you male persons" so get over it right now)! Joe is blushing! Joe can't stop using exclamation points! Somebody help Joe Right Now!

Sorry, a momentary fit of excitation. Actually, Joe knew a beagle who used exclamation points in EVERY sentence the beagle ever wrote! Ever! Apparently, a bad reaction to law school! Funny thing was, the Beagle was boring as hell! Do you find that as annoying as Joe does?! (Joe meant that one.)

Okay, so WHY is joe blushing? Joe has received many MANY (more than one) accolades in the past few weeks from actual beagles doing actual beagle work, and not just a few were in support of Joe against the BAD BEAGLE. So thank you, beagles, bunnies, and future beagles, all. . .Joe is, well, touched (in fact, Joe is being touched RIGHT NOW, but that's another topic for another day). just kidding. Oh yeah, about the speling errers, Joe apologises, but apparently, this low budge system doesn't spell check, and Joe apparently types faster than he can think, but wanted you to know that he sort of knows how to spell. He just can't read so good. Let's see. . .other administrivia. . .oh yeah, the Gloss is COMING. Some Day. I know, so's your raise. Let's bet to see which one comes more faster, shall we?

So, Joe said "Joe is Listening." "Why, Joe", say the beagles, "what ever do you mean?" Let Joe tell you. There is a FIERCE debate amongst recruiters as to whether 'tis better to call the beagles at work, and talk to them about yobs, or whether 'tis nobler indeed to just leave a voice mail so the beagle can respond when and if they have a mind to. Oh, and what to say when you talk to a beagle, which is MUY importante. Questions such as these, and the debate engendered therefrom have raised tempers more than you might have guessed, and vicious fights have ensued, including fistfights, and more than one yelling of the word "BITCH!" (Joe regrets the incident, but he SO deserved it).

Accordingly, Joe wanted to bring it to you, his faithful, wise, all-knowing, and not-at-all-influenced-by-cheap-flattery readers, to clear this up. What do YOU think? What do YOU like? What do you hate? Is Orange REALLY the new pink? Joe wants to know. Here, in a nubbin (Joe knows this should be a "nutshell" but, since the untimely death of Spy magazine, nobody uses nubbin anymore, and Joe misses it), is the question (actually, the "multi-part question."):

Prolegomenon: Recognise first that you ARE going to be called by recruiters. A lot. Unless you suck. Learn to live with it. If you really CAN'T stand being called by legal recruiters, find another profession. And stop whining. Really. Just stop whining.

Part the First: Since you ARE going to be called by recruiters, how would you most like to be contacted, recognizing that we TRY to be a little bit coy since we don't want to get your ass in trouble with your CURRENT law firm, and so we have to be a BIT vague (on the other hand, we could say "hey, screw ya" and describe in excruciating detail another MORE BETTER job while your senior partner looks at you picking up your email/vmail/phone notes, or stands in the room whilst you're on a call)?

Part the Second: When an opportunity is being described, do you just want a brief outline of the position, or do you want LOTS of detail ("Hi, Bill, this is Rastro Recruiter from Jiffy LawJobs, and I have an opportunity I want to discuss with you at your convenience. Please call me at 1-800-LAW-SUCK at your convenience." vs.
"Hi, Muffin, this is Lara LaLou at Frisky Recruiters, and, as you probably know, we place more attorneys in different jobs every day than graduate each year from all the law schools in the known universe. Even though we're so big we don't even know who you are, we deigned to come down to your pitifully small level to discuss a position as the third attorney of five to be hired at a Law Firm in Detroit whose name I can't mention, but whose name rhymes with "FigPaw", and who has forty-thousand attorneys practicing in the following cities and countries (exhausting list ensues). The position will pay 22 Million coconuts, has 12 days off per year, automatic overdraft protection, and will lead to a life completely devoid of satisfaction, but you won't know it because you'll be required to bill 3000 hours per year in compensation for your overly inflated salary. They reject 15 of 16 candidates we send to them, and they take forever to pay, but I'm calling you because you're just another cog in the wheel, and, by the way, they almost never hire from outside regardless of what they tell you, so I'm frankly your only chance to get out of that hellhole you're currently practicing in, only to stick you in a newer, fresher, hotter hell. With that in mind, please take a moment, avoiding the steely gaze of the Senior Partner who just wandered into your room and made you regret picking up your voicemail on speaker phone, and call me back, since it's very unlikely you'll ever get a raise again, let alone make partner. And you've been an associate there for HOW long again? I can be reached at 916-4-A-BEAGLE, and the clock is ticking. Thank you for your time.")?

Part the Third: Do you really want or need the recitative about the firm's skills, background, and who they represent, or do you make a decision to call back based on how the recruiter sounds, or are you smart enough to call everyone who calls you with a position that's within your area of expertise?

Part the Fourth: Do you want to hear about just ONE position, or, if you might qualify for multiple positions with multiple companies, would you rather hear about that, recognizing that good recruiters often have more than one related position with more than one law firm (as an example, Joe knows "bubbela bubbela law" really well, so his firms tend to pack him with "bubbela bubbela law"; in one city in a particular state, Joe has 11 positions with 7 different firms, all in "bubbela bubbela law").

Part the Fifth: Related to many of the above: What are the credibility factors? For example, some recruiters think you need to give precise, detailed info. about everything you're looking for, so the associate knows you really HAVE a job. Others say, NO, just tell them you only recruit for current openings. Still others say, Look, beagles have been burned forever, so they don't believe anyone, but, being lawyers, they're compelled to call and listen, just to satisfy their own belief that all recruiters are scum. Another group says that Beagles only trust the BigRecruiter firms, while another one says "Hey, boutique recruiters are where it's at." Given all the philosophical differences, the differences in jobs and job types, and the differences in beagles and law firms in general, what do YOU, as a beagle, want ME, as a recruiter to SAY to you, and HOW do you want me to say it in order to communicate that:

1. There is a real live job opening right now.
2. For whatever reason, I think you might be a match to this job.
3. For whatever reason, I would like to know if you're considering a move, or
4. You've been an associate since 1999, and you're still an associate, and I'm not going to say it out loud, but, uh, WTF?! Is this REALLY the firm for you?
5. I only get paid for results, so I don't tend to waste my time unless I reasonably believe you fit the requirements of the position. You need to call me to confirm or invalidate that impression.
6. Regardless of how good a beagle you are or think you are, you have a much better chance of being placed if you go through a recruiter, unless a firm calls YOU. How do you know if your chances are better with a recruiter? Simple. Unless a firm calls YOU and either offers you a job or invites you to interview, you have a much better chance with a recruiter. If you don't believe Joe, go on an informational interview with an attorney you KNOW will tell you the truth, and ASK them. Even better, see a hiring partner or the lead Recruiter, and ask THEM.
7. Even with the imprimatur of a recruiter on your materials, as a recruiter, I'm only interested in the BEST candidate, but if I call YOU, at least I'm interested enough in you to LOOK at your materials, which just improved your odds by a factor of 3 or 4.

Part the Sixth: How should a recruiter "BE" when they present their pitch? Should they be "serious and reserved and highly professional" or "cute and fun and cuddly" or, "light and competent, but not taking themselves too seriously" (the way Joe tries to be. . . whether he succeeds or not is open to debate). Should we talk fast and get it over with, or slow and methodical, highlighting every nuance with polished and professional prose, or what?

ACT NOW! Joe has set up an email account specially for Beagles to respond. Comments will be accepted, results tallied, and presented here in future. Joe asks you to respond, and to get everyone you know to respond, so that we can do a better job for YOU, and for US as recruiters. Joe is hoping, if the response is big enough, to publish an article in a major Journal, which could make recruiting less painful for EVERYONE. So your contribution could absolutely CHANGE the process of recruiting as we know it. Who KNEW you had so much power?

Send your comments to: telljoerecruiter@hotmail.com .

Joe thanks you in advance. Remember to spread the word, and keep them comments coming.

Love and Kisses,



JoeRecruiter

Love Your Recruiter!!!!!!!!!!!!(For that crazy Beagle)


ADDENDUM!:

Joe should have realized he'd have to say it to Beagles. So he's saying it now: Your comments will be kept completely confidential. Your emails will be kept completely confidential. Any opinions offered or comments generated will be only aggregated commments, not specifically attributed to any beagle. Your email address(es) will not be kept, tracked, analyzed, confabulated, used, or manipulated in any way, except insofar as they'll be deleted like so much old news at the earliest opportunity. C'mon people, recruiters read this site too. . .they need your help, as does Joe. Thanks, many, to those who have already contributed, and to the rest of you. . .get it in gear.